


Forget About It.

by Small_Town_Wayward_Daughter



Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: Abuse, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-26
Updated: 2016-09-27
Packaged: 2018-08-17 10:01:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8139961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Small_Town_Wayward_Daughter/pseuds/Small_Town_Wayward_Daughter
Summary: Clairese helps jax deal with the stress of being a new dad. He helps her feel safe again.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you like it! <3 Another request for the lovely Clairese.

I was late getting home, about two hours late and that was two hours and one minute to many. I was supposed to go to a big dinner meeting with my boyfriend Chase for his law firm and my boss had made me stay late. I was practically running home in the dark and I was terrified. I knew that Chase was going to punish me and I just prayed that it wouldn't be too bad. I stumbled into something solid, knocking me out of my thoughts. "Whoa easy darlin'" I looked up _way up_ at a man with light hair, in a dark vest and jean and startled. I was terrible around men and he was tall and beautiful.  
"I-I'm so sorry. I should have been paying attention." I stepped away from him and tripped over my boots. He caught my elbow and I flinched before he let me go.  
"Hey, no harm done. You alright?" He sounded concerned and I just nodded and looked at the ground.   
"I have to go. I'm late." I made a wide arc around him and took off at a jog. I checked my watch when I hit my driveway and grimaced, it was almost 11 and I was so fucked. Chase's car was parked out front and I could hear the tv playing softly as I walked inside. I took off my shoes and hung my bag by the door extremely on edge.   
"Where the fuck have you been?" Chase stepped around the corner and spoke to me in a low voice. I stood up straight and looked at the wall behind him.   
"My boss made me stay late. We had a bunch of bikers check in at the last minute. I'm so sor-"  
" _Don't_ tell me that you are sorry Clairese. I had to cancel the dinner meeting that might've made me partner because you were late! I bought you a new outfit and everything and you couldn't stop being a goddamn disgrace for one night!" His voice had raised to a shout by the end of his rant and I knew that nothing I said would matter, but I had to try.   
"I'm sorry Chase, you still could've gone to the dinn-"  
"No! My boss wanted to meet you! He wanted to meet my ' _charming and lovely future wife_ " He scoffed and stepped closer to me.   
"I'm sorry Chase. I really wanted to be there for your big night." I said softly and he put his hand under my chin forcing my face up.  
"I wanted to be there too." His eyes turned cold and I felt myself break out in a sweat. "You know that I hate punishing you Clairese. It hurts me just as much as you." I closed my eyes and he slid his hand into my hair and bashed my head against the wall. My vision sparked and I saw stars as I cried out and stumbled. He slapped me and shoved me to the ground yelling that I was worthless, a disgrace, unworthy of his love, useless, that no one would ever love me, that he wished I was dead. Each insult was given with a kick the ribs until I blacked out. I don't know how long I was out but I woke up briefly when I felt myself flying through the air and onto something hot and rough. I heard someone yelling at me and cracked open my eyes to see striking blue eyes before I passed out again from the pain.  
  
  
 _Beep... Beep...Beep..._  
I woke up slowly, I felt something tickling my nose and I reached up to pull at it but a hand caught mine. I flinched and jerked my hand away and gasped a the flash of pain the wracked my body.   
"Easy darlin' that had to stay there." An unfamiliar voice told me. I cracked open my eyes to see two guys I didn't know. One looked kind of familiar but I couldn't place him and the other I had never seen. The heart monitor started to speed up and they both looked at it concerned.   
"Who are you?" I croaked out and the blonde one spoke first.  
"I'm Jax, this is Opie. I found you when you got thrown out of the car." I furrowed my brow. _Thrown out of the car?_ "You don't remember that?" I shook my head and moved my arms to sit up but one of my arms was in a sling. "Do you know your name?" The other guy, Opie asked.   
"Clairese, Clairese Royal." He nodded and gave me a small smile. "Where's Chase?" I looked around and felt relief that he wasn't there.  
"Whose Chase? No one but us has been here since you got here three days ago." Jax told me.   
"My boyfriend." I answered. "Three days?" They nodded and I just nodded.  
"Do you want us to call him he must be worr-"  
"No!" I gasped and they both looked startled. "I-I mean that's ok, he's probably busy with work and all. No offense but why are you here?" I tried to change the subject.  
"I told you, we say you get shoved out of a moving car in the parking lot and I carried you in here three mornings ago. You were bleeding from a gash on the back of your head, had three broken ribs, a dislocated shoulder, bruises on your face and neck and well all over your body really. Do you remember what happened?" Jax told me and I just looked at him.  
"I fell."   
"Yeah out of a car, before that, what happened?" Opie asked and I just looked at the bed.   
"I fell." They were both quiet and I looked up to see them sharing a long look as a doctor came in. He was older and seemed kind but I still had a hard time letting him check my bandages and I know that Jax noticed how I flinched and stiffened when he took my hand. The doctor looked me over and told me that I would be there for a while before he asked if there was anyone he could call.   
"No, I'm fine thank you." I muttered and he left.   
"You sure that your man won't be worried?" Opie asked and I shook my head.   
"He's so busy working on making partner that he probably doesn't know I'm gone. You guys have lives to get back to I'm sure." I hinted and they just gave me a look.  
"No actually we are here to help you recover darlin'." I looked at Jax and remembered where I knew him from.   
"I ran into you in that alley the other night." He looked surprised and then nodded.   
"I remember, you were late getting home." He gave me a look and then leaned forward slightly. "Cut the shit. Who beat the hell out of you? Your man? We can protect you." I looked at them both for a long time before I nodded and went to tell them about Chase. But speak of the devil and he shall appear, rushing through the door to my hospital room.  
"Clairese! Baby, I was so worried why didn't you call?" He walked up to my bed and gripped me in a hug that made my cry out, sending my monitors crazy.  
"Easy man! She's got broken ribs." Opie told him and Chase stiffened and looked over at him and Jax.   
"Who are your friends honey?" He asked in a low tone. I shifted away from him slightly and muttered  
"Jax and Opie, they helped me into the hospital. I got thrown from a moving vehicle." He gripped my shoulder and pulled back to look at me with a dangerous glint in his eye.  
"Oh that's terrible! Who would do such a thing to you?" He asked in a tone that didn't seem upset.   
"I don't know." I shifted further away from him and looked towards Jax subconsciously. He was watching me and tilted his head slightly in a _You ok?_ kind of way. I shrugged softly and looked at Chase who was glaring at Opie, who was glaring back.  
"I can't thank you boys enough for helping my lovely fiance, I can take it from here though." He emphasized the boys and made sure to sound sarcastic and dismissive.  
"Oh you two are getting married?" Jax asked  
"No."  
"Yes." Chase and I spoke at the same time, at my no he squeezed my shoulder and I gasped and jerked away from him. Jax stepped forward and Opie shot out his hand to stop him.  
"She must have forgotten that we got engaged the last night I saw her." He chuckled and gave me a black look.  
"So you saw her the night she got hurt?" Jax asked and Chase glared at him.   
"Look, I appreciate the save to Clairese here but you both need to leave. Now." Chase sounded hard and I heard my heart rate monitor go up again.   
"Sure, funny thing though my son is in the N.I.C.U. right down the hall two doors down in fact so I can hear Clairese if she even yawns. Funny how that worked out isn't it?" Jax smiled a cold smile at Chase before he looked at Opie and nodded his head at the door. "I'll see you later darlin'." I nodded and sent him a small smile. I noticed that they both had the same leather kutte's on as I watched them leave. I looked up to see Chase glaring daggers at me and I looked away from him quickly.   
"What did you tell them?" He hissed menacingly  
"N-nothing Chase, there was nothing to tell. I told everyone that I don't remember what happened, I must've fallen." He gave me a long look before he nodded.   
"Remember that, I have to get back to work but I wanted you to know that in case you didn't know, I've kicked you out. I have a new girlfriend now. Melissa from work. Your stuff is in a storage unit and your boss called, you're fired for no call, no show." I gaped at him as he handed me a key and my purse.   
"Are you kidding me?" He laughed at my expression and shook his head.  
"No, I'm tired of wasting my time with a loser like you Clairese. You were fun to play with but you were never good enough for me." He stooped down and put his face close to mine. "If you tell _anyone_ what really happened, I will kill you and you know that I can." I nodded and pulled away from him. He nodded and headed towards the door. "It was fun while it lasted I guess." Were his last words as he left me with my world crashing down around me. I tilted my head back against the pillows and sighed. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad, I was free from him and I made it out alive. I just had no where left to go, no one left to go to and no job. I felt tears spill down my cheeks and let myself have a pity party.  
  
  
"You awake?" I jumped and whipped my head around at the sound of Jax's voice behind me. He held up a paper bag in one hand and stepped into the room. "Thought you might be hungry." I just looked at him as he set out a meal for two of burgers and fries.   
"Why?" He looked at me and tilted his head at me.  
"Why what?" I gave him a long look before I answered.  
"Why are you doing this? Why not just drop me off and leave? Why do you care?" He seemed upset at the question and sighed at me.  
"I couldn't. I am not that kind of guy." I scoffed and he raised a brow at me. "Me, my brothers, we protect and you look like you need some protectin' right now." I looked away from him and then reached out and stole a fry off the tray. He smiled and moved the side table closer to me. "Your man coming back?"  
"Nope." Was all I said and he nodded.   
"You dumped him?"  
"He dumped me, found a new girl." Jax didn't say anything so I looked up and saw that his eyes were ice cold, and his jaw was locked. It was different then the warm look he usually had when he spoke to me and I felt myself tense up. He reached out and my hand twitched before he touched it. He looked at me and placed his hand over mine before he spoke.   
"It's gonna be ok." I just shrugged.   
"Were you lying about your son?"  
"No, well kind of, his room isn't right down the hall, but he is here." I looked at him  
"What happened to him?" He looked at me for a minute before he answered me.  
"His mother is a crack whore and tried to O.D. with him still inside her. He was born with some of his shit on the outside and needed to be patched back together." I gaped at him, horrified and he grimaced. "He's gonna be fine now, he just has to be here for a while in a toaster till he gets bigger." I nodded and he waited for me to say something. I didn't so he continued talking about anything that came to mind. He talked about growing up in Charming, and that he joined the Sons when he was young, about Opie and his family, and a few hours later he talked about Abel, his son. "I'm not ready to be a dad. Wendy, the crack whore mother, got pregnant to try to save our marriage but it was too late. I tried to get her clean and she refused so we got divorced. I don't know what I'm doing Clairese." I hadn't said much of anything so when I spoke he paid attention.  
"I think that if you really want to be a good dad you will. Abel will just want someone not to give up on him. He is fighting to live and grow, so you fight to be a good father." He looked at me and nodded.   
"Can you help me?" I looked at him like he sprouted another head.   
"What?"  
"When you get out of here will you help me?" I laughed incredulously before I realized that he was serious.  
"How? I'm a mess Jax, you don't want me around your kid." He shook his head.   
"We can help each other. You can help me with Abel and I can give you a place to stay rent free until you are ready to get on your feet again." I stared at him. "Think about it? Please?" I nodded and he stood up as the nurse came in.   
"Visiting hours are over. You can come back tomorrow." He nodded and gave me a pleading look.   
"Think about it. I'll be back tomorrow." He walked out and the nurse gave me my pain medicines and antibiotics to that I could rest. I thought about what Jax said until I fell asleep, I must be crazy because I am actually considering it.


	2. Chapter 2

I woke up when the morning nurse came in to get my blood work, she told me that they were gonna get me up and walking around my room soon, and she helped me sit on the edge of the bed so I could brush my hair and go to the bathroom. I was pushing myself but she didn't say anything, she was rooting for me to get better and brought me some hospital sweat pants so that my ass didn't hang out when I went walking around. I was still sitting up when Jax and Opie came into my room, both of them smiled and I sent them a small smile back.  
"How you doing girl?" Opie asked  
"I'm ok, getting ready to take a walk." I croaked and cleared my throat. It was feeling better but still sore today.  
"Walk? Should you even be sitting up?" Jax asked and the nurse spoke before me.  
"No, but she's stubborn." Jax gave me a look and I shrugged.  
"I'll lay down in a few minutes." I grumbled and kept brushing my hair.  
"Want me to braid it?" Opie blurted and everyone in the room looked at him, the 6'4, long haired, bearded biker asking to braid my hair. I nodded as he shrugged and he came up behind me which made me uneasy at first. He was gentle though, he combed my red hair back and separated it before he braided it. I handed him a hair tie when he asked for it and then he stepped back around to sit by Jax.  
"Thanks Opie." He nodded and smiled at me.  
"I braid my daughters hair, she likes to try to do mine but she would lose her shit over your hair." I smiled and nodded at him.  
"Maybe she can play with it one day." I said and his eyes lit up as he smiled at me.  
"That would be cool. Donna would like having a girl around that wasn't a crow eater." I looked confused and Jax spoke up.  
"A girl who hangs around the club to uh service the guys." _Oh._ I heard someone coming and turned to see a man in scrubs walking through the door.  
"Ready to take a walk sweetheart?" I looked at Jax and Opie and Jax stepped closer to me.  
"Can I help her?" He asked and the guy nodded at him.  
"I gotta watch though." He nodded and held out his hands for me to take. I noticed how huge his hands were when I placed mine in them. He was tall too, I felt delicate next to him, I was 5'3 and he had to be at least 6'1. He was staring at my wrists and I tried to pull back but he held tight and helped me up. He waited for me to get steady on my feet before we started to walk. My whole body was sore and I felt shaky but I was tired of laying still so I pushed through it. I walked a full lap around the floor with Jax by my side and the nurse following behind before I started to get tired. We went back to my room and the nurse told me that he wanted me to do at least two laps a day until I was ready for more but not to push it to fast. Opie's phone rang and he stepped out as Jax helped me climb back into bed.  
"What happened to your wrists?" He asked but I was saved as Opie came back in.  
"Jax we gotta go, Clay needs us."  
"Now?" Opie nodded and Jax looked at me for a minute before he nodded.  
"I'll be back later darlin'. Get some rest." He startled me when he leaned over and kissed the side of my head but I nodded at him.  
"Feel better Clairese, I'll check in on you later." I smiled at him and they left me to my thoughts.  
That's how my next few weeks went, some days Jax was there early and all day except to check on Abel, some days Opie came too for a while, some days Opie came alone because Jax was on club business and few days I was there alone. Jax and Opie were becoming fixtures in my life and I didn't mind it, they were good guys. Opie was a lovable giant, he talked a lot about his wife and kids all the time and I knew that they were his everything. I even got to meet Donna when she came to check on me on a day where the guys were busy. She was sweet and though she worried about the club crushing Opie she supported Opie anyway. Jax took to calling my room when he couldn't be there and when he was he made sure that I had plenty of food and water, even though I told him I'd kill for coffee, or any kind of caffeine. Jax was kind to me and he had taken me to see his son a few days ago. Abel was a beautiful, tiny baby and I knew that Jax loved him. He wore a face that said he would fight the whole world for Abel when he looked at him. I liked to look in on him after Jax went home each night but I never mentioned it to him. Today was one of my alone days and the Doctor had told me that I could go home tomorrow, I was excited but scared because I didn't have a place to go yet. I hadn't agreed to Jax's proposal and he never brought it up again.  
  
  
Jax never called me yesterday and I had no way of telling him that I got released. The doctor had given me a prescription to pick up and I did that before I left the hospital then I started walking to the only place that came to mind. The park that was a few blocks down from the hospital. It took a lot out of me to walk that far but I had no where else to go and once I got there I found a nice place to sit and catch my breath. I must've dozed off because the next thing I know it was dark, Jax was shaking me awake and he looked pissed.  
"What the hell are you doing sleeping under a tree?" I looked up at him and then at the ground.  
"I don't know, I must've fallen asleep." He sighed and sat down next to me. I shifted away from him slightly but he ignored it.  
"You were gone when I came to see you." I nodded  
"They let me go this afternoon. How'd you find me?"  
"You told me that you liked this park." I mentioned that in passing when he first came to see me. He remembered that?  
"It's a nice park. I like this tree." He smiled softly and nodded.  
"Lets get outta here? I'm starving." He stood up and held out his hands for me. He helped me up gently and I grimaced at how sore my back was. He kept a hold of my hands until I pulled away and followed him to a pick up truck with a logo for Teller Morrow Automotive on the side. "I didn't think you'd be up for riding on a bike just yet." I nodded and he opened my door for me. He drove to a fast food place and got us some food before he started driving again.  
"Where are we going now?"  
"Home. You don't have to stay after tonight if you don't want to but you need a place to crash and I have a spare room." I nodded and looked out the window. He pulled up to a nice house and climbed out of the truck with the food in his hand and came around to open my door for me. That was going to take some getting used to. The house was nice inside, a little messy but not that bad for a young guy who lived alone. _Oh god, what if he doesn't live alone? What if he has a girlfriend and she freaks out? I'm so stupid. Stupid. Stupid._ "I know it's messy but it's just me here so I don't have to impress anyone." He told me like he read my mind. He moved some stuff off the table and we sat down to eat. Then he gave me some clothes to change into before he took me on a mini tour of the house. Abel's room wasn't done yet but he was working on it when he had time. He showed me to the room I was gonna be staying in, gave me a spare tooth brush, showed me where everything in the bathroom was and then left me to get settled in, It was a nice room but it didn't feel like a guest room. I shrugged it off and tried to relax but I couldn't so I went to get some water. I crept down the hall to the kitchen for a drink. I tried to be quiet so I didn't wake Jax as I rummaged for a glass to use by the small light above the sink. I found one and filled it with some water to sip on.  
"What are you doing?" Jax asked from the couch, I jumped, squealed, and dropped the glass I was using. It shattered and water went everywhere.  
"I'm s-so sorry! I couldn't sleep and got thirsty! I didn't mean to wake you, o-or break your glass." I babbled and he got up to turn on the kitchen light. He stepped into his sneakers and walked closer to me, I backed up instinctively and stepped into the glass.  
"Don't move! You don't have shoes on." He reached out and I flinched really bad away from him. "Clairese, I'm not gonna hit you. I don't care about the glass." I looked up at him and he gently scooped me up and set me on the counter. "Stay there." I nodded and he went to get a towel and broom.  
"I'm sorry." I muttered after the mess was cleaned up and he sighed as he walked over to me. We were eye to eye with me seated on the counter.  
"I don't care about the cup darlin'. My mom got me those and I fuckin' hate em." He smiled at me and I gave him a small one back. "Did you cut your foot?" I shook my head and he nodded. "While I have you here let's chat for a second ok?" I looked at him and he gave me a serious look. "I know that your ex was a real piece of work, even if you won't tell me so. I know that you are used to being smacked around and treated like shit, but I will never raise my hand to you. I will never hurt you and I swear that if anyone does that again to you I'll make them pay. You don't have to trust me right now, but at some point I would like you to." I looked at him searching for a lie in anything that he said but his eyes were soft and his voice was calm, soothing, and steady.  
"I'll try." I murmured and he nodded at me. I looked at him for a minute and realized that he had been sleeping on the couch. "You gave me your room." I accused and he smirked at me.  
"What?"  
"You gave me your room and you were sleeping on the couch Jax." I repeated and he just shrugged at me.  
"I don't have the other room set up yet." I nodded and he helped me down off the counter before he went and got a bottle of water from the fridge and handed it to me. "Why couldn't you sleep?" I shrugged  
"I need to break a glass and get all anxious before I go to sleep." I told him and he laughed softly at me.  
"Mission accomplished then." He said as he walked to the bathroom. I took that time to jump onto the couch and get in a comfortable position. He came out and gave me a look when he saw me. "No."  
"Yes."  
"Clairese."  
"Jax." I gave him a look and he sighed at me.  
"I'll move you myself if I have to." I wiggled deeper into the couch and shook my head.  
"I fit perfectly and you are to tall. I don't want your bed. Please." He sighed at me again and ran a hand through his shaggy hair.  
"For tonight only. I'll get the other room done tomorrow."  
"Fine. Now beat it. I'm tired." He gave me a surprised look and smiled at me when I grinned at him. The couch was actually nice and I fell asleep about ten minutes after he went to bed.  
I woke up before Jax and hunted around his kitchen for coffee. I was not a morning person without caffeine. I finally found it and started the coffee brewing before I went to was my hair up and brush my teeth. I had a cup of coffee and started to get awake when I decided to make Jax breakfast. I was singing under my breath and flipping the pancakes when he spoke behind me.  
"We gotta stop meeting like this." I jumped a little but didn't drop anything as I turned to smile at him.  
"Morning sunshine, hope you wake up hungry." He looked bleary eyed at me and shuffled to the coffee pot.  
"You made coffee, I think I love you." I chuckled and watched him put a lot of sugar in it before he took a big gulp. I scooped him up a plate of pancakes, eggs, bacon, and a glass of orange juice. I set it on the table and nudged him towards it then went back to get mine.  
"You didn't have to do all this."  
"I'm used to getting up and cooking breakfast." I told him and he nodded.  
"Well thank you anyway. I haven't had anyone make me breakfast since I was living with my ma."  
"Wendy didn't make you breakfast?" He gave me a look and shook his head.  
"Wendy didn't cook, well not food anyway." I raised my eyebrows and nodded as I ate my pancakes. "Have you decided if you're gonna stay?" I paused with my fork mid way to my mouth and set it down.  
"Uh I want to, but I have a few conditions and concerns." He looked up at me and waved his fork in a 'go on' gesture. "If I stay and help you with Abel what would you want me to do exactly?"  
"You'd be the nanny basically. Watch him while I had club stuff to do, feed him, change his diaper, uh-" He broke off and I smiled slightly.  
"You have no idea do you?" He shook his head. "Ok, well I would be here all day with a baby so that means I'd clean the place, do laundry, cook shit because I like to cook, and take care of Abel. If you have a set time you'll be home to be with him at night I could try to get my job at the hotel back or find a bar to work at- what?" He was staring at me open mouthed  
"No."  
"No?"  
"If you did all that stuff here you wouldn't be working at nights too."  
"I need money if I'm gonna get out of your hair Jax."  
"I'd pay you to watch Abel."  
"I'm staying here as payment. I'm not taking your money."  
"Yes you are, room and utilities are included in the price of watching my kid but I'm still gonna pay you." He was serious and I just blinked at him.  
"I- Th-What if it doesn't work out?"  
"It will."  
"How do you know?"  
"I just do." He shrugged and I sighed and shook my head at him. His phone started to ring and he stepped away to answer it. "I gotta run." He came back in pulling a shirt over his head. "This is for you, I'm number 1 on speed dial." He handed me an older flip phone and then a set of keys. "This is for the truck and house, you drive right?" I nodded. "I know there isn't a lot of food here and you don't have any clothes so there is money in the cookie jar on the counter. Buy some stuff for yourself and food." He watched me and then bent so his head was closer to mine. "I mean it, I don't care how much you spend of it. Buy like a weeks worth of clothes, sleep stuff, under clothes crap, shoes, and I know girls use special conditioners and stuff. Get stocked up. Please." I nodded and he smiled at me before he kissed the side of my head and walked outside, he peeked his head back in. "Thanks for breakfast." I nodded and looked around the kitchen, letting out a puff of air. I felt uneasy taking his money but he told me that the stuff from the storage unit was all broken or slashed, Chase had ruined everything so he had tossed it. I really had no other option since wearing Jax's clothes forever was out of the question.   
  
  
I had started cleaning after Jax at 8:30 and hadn't finished until about 12. He had called me at 11 and told me to stop cleaning and go have fun shopping, when I asked him what he wanted for dinner he seemed lost, I don't think anyone had asked him that before. I got ready and left the house by 12:30, hitting the clothing stores first. I got three pairs of jeans, two pair of leggings, a pair of shorts, seven shirts, a few tank tops, and a jacket. I hit the store next door and got three bras, enough underwear for a week, and some pajama sets. I hadn't been allowed to go shopping for years and I remember why it never bothered me, shopping is exhausting and makes you hate yourself. I had more luck finding makeup and toiletries, everything was pretty there and easy to figure out. The grocery store wasn't that bad, I decided to make Jax spaghetti, salad, and garlic bread for dinner. I got enough food and drinks for a while and headed back to Jax's house. I made it home and got it all put away by about 4 and decided to take a shower and get put together before I cooked dinner. Jax walked in about 7 with Opie in tow and they both stopped to gape at me.  
"What?"  
"You look nice Clairese." Opie told me and I smiled at him.  
"Thanks, I haven't worn makeup in a while." I looked at Jax and Opie nudged him when he didn't say anything. "Uh, how was your day?" I asked awkwardly  
"Good, we uh worked for a while, had some club stuff, went and saw Abel." I nodded and watched as Opie opened the fridge for a beer.  
"Dude, there's food in your beer fridge." I paused my stirring and looked at Jax  
"Is there another fridge for food?"  
"No, Smart ass means that there is never anything but beer in there." Oh. I nodded and drained the noodles and took the bread out of the oven. After I set a place for Opie I set everything on the table and grabbed the salad from the fridge.  
"Done." They both just stood there. "Dude, Eat." They sat down and filled their plates. I still felt a little nervous around Jax and Opie, I was scared that I was going to mess up and get in trouble. Jax seemed to feel that I was tense and made sure to smile at me a lot, they both told me how great everything was and Opie said that he wanted me to teach Donna how to cook. I pretended not to hear that. Opie insisted on helping Jax clean up before he went home and I was grateful but still felt like it was my job. After Opie left Jax went into his room to shower and change and I used the other bathroom to get ready for bed, putting on a matching tank top and shorts pajama set and brushing my hair and teeth. I was in the kitchen when Jax came out in just basket ball shorts and wet hair.  
"I went to see Abel today, and he can probably come home at the end of next week." I smiled at him.  
"That's great Jax!" He nodded but looked off. "What's wrong?"  
"Just worried."  
"About?"  
"What if I screw it up?"  
"You won't."  
"How do you know?"  
"Because I'm here to help you. We will figure it out together." He nodded and came over to hug me. I only tensed up for a second and then I wrapped my arms around him in return.  
"Will you come with me to see him tomorrow?" He asked with his face buried in my hair.  
"Yeah, I'd like that." He nodded and pulled away.  
"I bet you're exhausted after everything today." I nodded and we said our good nights as he kissed the side of my head. It was weird to go to sleep without having been yelled at for something, without being told you were useless or a waste of space. I think I could get used to it.


	3. Chapter 3

As usual I was up before Jax and made breakfast, He came in to get his coffee and I tried not to notice that he was only wearing basketball shorts, It wasn't easy.  
"Morning sunshine." I chirped and he smiled at me.   
"Morning darlin'." He kissed my head on his way to the coffee pot.   
"Making french toast." I told him and he nodded as he gulped his overly sugared caffeine.   
"Sounds good, thank you."   
"It's nothing." I shrugged it off, he went to check his phone and get a shirt.  
"Did you still wanna come with me today?" I looked over at him and nodded.  
"If you still wanted me to." He sat down and ran his hands through his hair. He looked lost and I frowned a little before I walked over to him. "Hey, it's gonna be ok remember?" His bright blue eyes met my brown ones.   
"Are you sure?" I nodded and gave him a small smile.   
"Yeah, I know you can do this Jax. Have some faith in yourself." I reached up and ran my hair over his hair before I stepped back to the stove. We ate and got ready to go. Jax told me to wear jeans and sturdy shoes which didn't make sense but I did as he asked. He locked up and then it hit me, we were taking his bike. He handed me a helmet.  
"Ever been on a bike before?" I shook my head and clicked the helmet on. "Its easy, hang on tight, and lean into the turns." I nodded and watched as he climbed on. He looked back at me and smiled softly. "You ready?" I nodded and climbed on after him. It was easy not to crowd him but I felt him laugh softly. "You're gonna wanna wrap your arms around me darlin'." I sighed and scooted closer to him as he started the bike. He was right when he took off I felt my arms tighten around him and then we were flying. I smelled the leather of his kutte, nicotine, and something that was all Jax. It was like nothing I had ever experienced before, I watched the streets fly by and felt the wind on my face, it was amazing. Jax pulled up to the hospital and I climbed off before he did.   
"That was amazing!" He smirked at my grin and nodded. "Now I know why you're uncomfortable in cars!"   
"I never told you that."  
"I noticed it whenever you drove the truck." I shrugged and freed my hair from the helmet. He nodded and I followed him into the hospital. The nurses and patients stared at him as he walked by. He didn't seem to notice it but he felt me getting tense and he took my hand in his. I didn't know why everyone was staring at us but I was glad to have his hand in mine. He led me down the halls to Abel's room I paused outside the door and watched him approach the clear plastic crib, I wondered when he got out of the toaster but didn't ask. Jax had an awed look on his face when he looked at his son. He looked over and saw me hovering outside to door.   
"Gonna hang out there all day?"   
"I wanted to give you two a minute before I intruded." He gave me a look and shook his head as he walked over to me.   
"I want you to meet him Clairese. C'mon. I didn't know that he was done toasting." I nodded and stepped inside. He was swaddled in a blanket with little bears on it, his sheets had fishes on them and he was wearing a blue hat with the Son's logo on it. He was a beautiful baby. Jax reached out and touched his sons sleeping face and I smiled softly at them.   
"Hi buddy, you're getting so big." Abel turned his head and cracked open his eyes to look at his father. He watched Jax for a minute before he started to cry and Jax pulled his hand back and looked at me. We shared a look while Abel cried.  
"You gonna hold him?" I asked Jax and he just looked scared before he nodded. He took a deep breath and stooped to pick up the screaming baby. It was kind of fun to watch because Jax looked totally out of his element as he held his son at an awkward angle. I stepped around the crib and maneuvered Jax's arms so that he was cradling Abel against his chest. Abel burrowed into Jax and started to calm down. He looked a little crest fallen and tried to put Abel down.  
"What are you doing?"  
"I told you-"  
"Jax C'mon." He looked at me and furrowed his brows at me.  
"What?"  
"Don't do that. Don't get upset that you didn't know what to do at first." He sighed and stood back up.   
"I'm not ready for this." He shook his head and I put my hand on his arm.  
"Ready or not, you're a daddy Jax. You will be great, just give it some time to get that instinct huh?" He nodded and Abel started to nuzzle his chest. I laughed at Jax's expression and he gave me a look.   
"I'll go find a bottle." He nodded and started to gently sway Abel. I went out into the hall and saw a Doctor talking to some nurses. I approached and they all looked up at me. "Uh Abel is acting like he is hungry." I said and saw the doctor narrow her eyes at me before she told one of the nurses that she would be back later on. The other one bustled off and came back with a bottle of formula and led me back down to Abel's room. She beamed when she saw Jax babbling at Abel and she walked him through feeding and burping his son. Abel fell asleep in Jax's arms but he seemed content to hold him. There was a soft knock on the door and we both looked up. The doctor from earlier was there and she was smiling at Jax, he didn't look that happy though.   
"Tara."   
"Hello Jackson." She came up and stepped between Jax and I with her back turned to me, I tilted my head and backed up a step.   
"What are you doing here?" He asked her but he was looking at Abel.   
"I wanted to see you, you don't come see me anymore." He scoffed at her and Abel started to fuss.   
"Don't do this here." He said and then he looked at me. Tara turned and looked at me too.   
"Can you give us _old friends_ a change to talk? In private?" She asked as she turned away.  
"No." He stepped around Tara and handed Abel to me. "Here, I'll be right back then we can go home ok darlin?" I nodded, took Abel and watched Tara's face turn a startling shade of red.   
"You can't let her hold him! Jax she is a no one, a stranger." He gripped her arm and pulled her out of the room.   
"You're embarrassing yourself Tara. I told you not to keep hanging around him."   
"He is alive because of me Jax! I saved his life because one of your terrible choices tried to kill him! Now you're letting another bad choice into his life and that isn't right! What's that crow eater got that I don't huh?" She was yelling and Abel started to wake up so I began to hum softly to him to keep him calm. He had blue eyes like his daddy, and a bow mouth that made tiny noises as he got tired.  
"I know you saved him Tara! That is your job. Do you want a fucking gold star? That doesn't mean that you and I are getting back together, or that I owe you anything anymore. You need to let go. She isn't a crow eater and you don't know her so back off."   
"This isn't over Jax! You'll come back to me, you always do." She stormed down the hall and he took a minute before he came back inside. I was still humming and rocking Abel as he watched from the doorway.  
"How much did you hear?"  
"Nothing." I answered and he just scoffed at me. "He's still out, do you want to hold him?"  
"Nah should probably get going anyway." I nodded and gently laid Abel back down in his crib. We headed back down the hall and Jax took my hand again when we were leaving. This time I think it was more for him than for me.  
  
  
"What is this?" Jax held up a breast pump with a look of utter confusion.  
"It's for mothers to give milk." He looked horrified and set it back down. When Jax had told me he wanted to go shopping I thought he meant for himself, he meant baby shopping and it had been... an adventure. We managed to get a car seat that attached to the stroller, a crib, changing table, a padded rocking chair, bottles, diapers, some clothes and shoes, and a bunch of other baby paraphernalia, I added a baby wrap carrier so that he could be with me when I was moving around the house. Jax had pulled out his phone and called someone named Juice to come pick up all the stuff we bought. We waited outside the shop and I was a little surprised to find that Juice was a sweetheart with a Mohawk and tribal tattoos on the sides of his head.   
"Went baby crazy huh daddy?" He teased as he climbed out of the truck. Then he saw me. "Hello gorgeous." I felt my face turn red and looked away from him.  
"Uh hi."  
"What's your name?"  
" Her name is Clairese. Abel's coming home next week, I had to stock up on baby junk." They loaded up the stuff and Juice left to drop it off. I was looking at the farmers market that was going on down the street when Jax came over to me. "C'mon." I looked up at him   
"What?"  
"Lets go look around." I nodded and followed him over. We looked around for a while before I heard a familiar voice behind me.   
"Clairese! You look so good." I smiled at Donna   
"Hi Donna! How are you?" We small talked and she invited Jax and I over to have dinner with her and Opie the following night before she left.   
"That's never happened before." Jax told me   
"She's never invited you over?"  
"Not with a girl." I just nodded and we headed home.  
  
Having dinner at the Winston house was interesting. Seeing Opie in dad mode was amazing, Kenny and Ellie were his sole focus unless Donna needed something from him. I was playing with Ellie, letting her braid my hair when Donna called me into the kitchen to help her. I told Ellie to go braid Jax's hair and he gave me a look.  
"I'll make you pay for this later darlin'." I felt myself pale a little even though he was smiling and his eyes were warm. He looked concerned but I went into the kitchen before he said anything else. Donna got me a glass of wine and we chatted while I helped her make the salad. The night went by fast and before I knew it it was time for the kids to go to bed and Jax and I were heading home. He noticed that I was skittish with him as he walked by me.  
"Hey."   
"Hm?"   
"Look at me?" I did and he smiled at me. "I was just playing baby girl, you know that right?" I nodded and he didn't look convinced so he pulled me into a hug and kissed the top of my head. "Ready to go home?" I nodded and we left. Jax didn't let it drop though, after we got ready for bed he scooped me up and threw me over his shoulder. I started to laugh as he spun me around.   
"You can't be upset with me! I am sorry!"  
"I forgive you let me down!" I was laughing so hard and so was he as he set me down and tilted my head up.  
"We good?" I nodded and he smirked at me. "Lets watch a movie?"   
"Ok, I'll make popcorn. You pick the movie?"   
"Deal." He picked a cheesy comedy and it was nice, he had his arm over the back of the couch and I was sitting next to him. His hand dropped on my shoulder and I looked over at him. He was watching the movie and acted like nothing happened so I didn't either. I don't remember much of the movie since I fell asleep on Jax. He must've fallen asleep too since I woke up with my head in his lap and his hand in my hair. I sat up slowly and nudged him.   
"Jax." He didn't move. "Jax, go to bed sweets." He peeked an eye open and shook his head. "Yes your butt is in my bed." I teased and he frowned but got up. He leaned down and kissed the corner of my mouth which startled both of us.   
"Uh, night darlin'."   
"Yeah, night Jax."   
I woke up to a loud crash and Jax cussing in the kitchen. He was standing in a pile of runny eggs with a scowl on his face.   
"Having fun?" He looked at me leaning against the wall and gave me a cocky look.  
"Yeah, loads." I nodded and helped him clean up the mess. "I got some guys coming by to help me set up your room and Abel's room today." He told me as he ate some cereal.   
"You don't have to do that, I'm fine on the couch."  
"It's not a problem." I nodded and went to get dressed. The sound of motorcycles pulling up alerted Jax and he opened the door to Opie, Juice, and an older man with scars on his cheeks. Opie hugged me, Juice gave me a grin and the other man gave me a soft smile. "Clairese this is Chibs, Chibs, Clairese."   
"Nice to meet you lass." His Scottish accent made me smile.   
"Like wise." Jax had Juice and Chibs in my room while, him and Opie worked in Abel's. I offered to make them lunch but they all passed and left me to clean and do my own thing. I was reading when I noticed Juice staring at me, I gave him a small smile and he came to sit by me.   
"Good book?"  
"Uh yeah so far." He nodded and we talked for a few minutes before Jax came out.   
"Juice, you get those tools for me?"  
"Oh no, I got side tracked." He headed outside looking guilty and Jax looked mad. I got up and walked over to him.   
"Can I see?" He nodded and led me to Abel's room. It looked great, painted a light blue with Abel spelled out over the crib, a stick on border with building blocks on it around the room. I took his hand unconsciously and smiled at him. "It looked great Jax! He's gonna love it."   
"Thanks baby girl, I'm glad you like it." He squeezed my hand and we shared a smile.  
"Isn't this a sweet picture." We turned at a husky female voice and I felt Jax's grip tighten a little on my hand. The woman was older, had dark hair with blonde in it and wore a lot of tight black clothes. Juice was standing behind her with tools in his hands.  
"Mom."   
"Jackson." Her gaze turned to me and she gave me an appraising look, until her eyes stopped on my hand in her sons. "Whose your friend?"  
"Gemma!" Chibs called out and came to hug her. "This is Clairese, she's gonna help Jackie boy adjust to being a daddy." He smiled at me and I gave him one back.  
"My boy doesn't need any help adjusting. He is a daddy that's the end of it." She looked like she wanted to say more but Jax cut her off.   
"Well mom, we're really busy here setting up for Abel, he gets to come home soon. I'll come by and see you later on ok?" He ushered her to the door and nudged her out. She looked flabbergasted but went a long with him. He came back and everyone went back to work, I headed to the kitchen to cook dinner. I decided on meatloaf with mashed potatoes and salad. All the guys loved it and I was happy that they were having a good time. Chibs started asking about me.  
"Where'd you learn to cook like that lass?"  
"A friend of mine taught me."  
"Not your mum?"  
"I'm an orphan." Everyone just looked at each other.   
"Foster mum?" Chibs asked and I shook my head.   
"A lady at the shelter I ended up at when I was 15."  
"Oh. Well it's great." He said with a sad smile and I nodded. I was glad when Juice changed the subject to bike maintenance. Chibs phone rang and the guys had to go for club business. Jax told me he'd be back later, that I was to get settled in my new room, and kissed my head on the way out. I cleaned up dinner, and moved all my stuff out of the hall closet and into the room that was mine. It was a nice room and I liked that it was across from Abel's so I could hear him. I heard knocking from the back door and went to get it. It was Jax's mother.   
"The guys had some club business, they took off about an hour ago." I invited her in and she just looked at me.   
"I know." I nodded "Why are you here?" Oh right down to business huh? Ok.   
"To help Jax."  
"No. The truth." I sighed.  
"Jax helped me out and now it's my turn to help him."  
"How did he help you?"   
"He saw my ex dump me out of his car and he stayed with me until I got better. He said that we both needed help so we made a deal."  
"What do you know about the club?"  
"Nothing, that isn't my business Gemma. I am here for Abel not to be nosy. I'm not some crow eater looking for a way in and i'm not a sweet butt either, we are just friends Gemma. I don't have any intention of hurting him or his family." She gave me an appraising look and nodded.   
"Are you in love with him?" I stared at her and blinked.   
"Not yet, but I could be if I let myself."   
"Honest. I like it. I think you'd be good for him. He needs a stable person in his life that isn't Tara." I grimaced and she smiled st me. "You met the good doctor?"  
"I had the honor." I told her in a dark tone and she laughed.   
"I like you honey, come by the club house with Jax sometime huh?" I nodded and she smiled at me again as she left.  
Jax came home a few hours later and I woke up to him rummaging around in the bathroom so I went to see what he needed. "Jax?"  
"Just a minute." He sounded out of breath and I frowned.   
"Are you ok?" He opened the door and I gaped at him. There was a deep gash on his arm and it was oozing blood out slowly. "What happened?" I asked as I sat him down and began to clean it with a wet cloth.   
"A friend didn't like the deal we made and his friends started a fight." I knew that wasn't all of it but I didn't push. I searched for the first aid kit. I gave it a deeper clean with alcohol and stitched his arm up, he didn't say anything as I did it, just watched. Once I was done and had it wrapped with gauze he pulled me closer to him and hugged me.   
"Thank you baby girl. How'd you learn to stitch like that?"  
"Self taught, hospitals weren't really an option with Chase. He nodded  
"Well I owe you one."   
"You're welcome Jax. Oh your mom stopped by." He groaned and looked up at me. "No! no it was fine, she said she liked me, invited me to the club house."   
"Really?" He looked shocked and I nodded. "That's great." He hugged me again and I smiled at him. We said our good nights and headed for bed, I knew his arm had to be hurting.


	4. Chapter 4

I could tell Jax was nervous, he kept pacing and acting agitated. It was making me anxious so I wanted to straighten up Abel's room for the fifth time this morning. We were waiting for a call from Abel's doctor to tell us if he could come home today or not, I didn't think that was the only reason that Jax was a mess but I didn't ask. When I stood up Jax looked over at me  
"Where are you going?"   
"Uh to check Abel's room."  
"Again?"  
"You're pacing is making me twitchy Jax. I need to do something." He sighed and nodded.   
"I'm sorry. Lets go see Abel?"   
"You don't wanna wait for the call?" He shook his head and I nodded. Jax grabbed his keys and we left. Against my wishes Jax bought me a Jeep, it wasn't flashy but it was in good shape and he trusted it to transport his son. We pulled up to the hospital and went inside. I was used to the stares and whispers now but Jax still took my hand every time we walked to Abel's room. We saw Tara talking with Abel's doctor and Jax left me to go check the baby while he talked to them. Abel was awake and I reached out to touch his hair. Jax came in with a grin on his face as he scooped up Abel.  
"Ready to go home buddy?"   
"He can come home?" Jax nodded and I grinned at him. The nurse came in with a bag of starter stuff like diapers, bottles, blankets, diaper rash cream. She gave us a run down on what we needed to check for and what to keep an eye on and after she watched Jax load the car seat and the baby into the car we were free to go. Jax drove low and slow home while I sat in the back with Abel. He was asleep when we brought him inside so Jax put him in his crib and I put his stuff away. The front door opened and Gemma walked in with Happy.  
"I didn't know you guys were back, I went to check in on my grandson and got told that he went home."  
"We just got back maybe ten minutes ago." She nodded and walked over to hug me. I returned the hug and Happy smiled at me as Jax came out of Abel's room. Jax saw Happy smiling at me and furrowed his brow. Gemma peeked in on Abel and then came back out to talk to Jax about the club party and something to do with Clay. I headed into the kitchen to start dinner and set up some space for Abel's bottles. I turned around after I had the chicken in the oven and jumped at the sight of Happy.   
"Damn Happy wear a bell!" I had a hand on my chest and felt it beating frantically.   
"Sorry." He smirked at me and I just shook my head.   
"Did you need something?" He shook his head and I just nodded. _Not much of a talker._ Gemma came to get him and they left. I was kind of relieved because his staring unnerved me a little bit. I was finishing up dinner when Jax came in.  
"Smells good."  
"Thanks, its almost done." He nodded and we heard Abel start to cry. Jax went to get him and I plated the food and set it on the table as the boys came in.  
"I think he is hungry." I nodded and went to warm up the bottle for him. Abel wouldn't stop crying and I could tell that Jax was trying to keep calm. "Am I holding him right?" I looked at him and saw that he was.   
"You're doing great Jax." I handed him the bottle and after Abel ate and was burped he went right back to sleep. Until after we ate dinner and then he cried again. I went and changed his diaper while Jax cleaned up, I was rocking the baby in the rocking chair when Jax came in, he leaned against the door frame and smiled softly.   
"You look good holding my baby." I looked up at him and raised a brow.  
"Just yours or would any baby do?" I teased and he let out a laugh.  
"Well I'm biased so just mine." I nodded   
"You wanna put him back in bed?"   
"Nah you go ahead, I have to run out for a little while are you gonna be ok?" I stood up to set Abel down in the crib.   
"Uh yeah, we will be fine, are you sure you wanna go out? It's his first night here."   
"Yeah, I won't be gone long." I just nodded and he came over to kiss Abel's head and he looked at me. "Promise, a couple of hours." He kissed my cheek and left. I made sure the baby monitor was on, turned on the mobile and night light and kissed his head before I left him to sleep. Gemma called to check in about an hour later and asked how Jax was, I told her that he had left for a while and she seemed upset about it.   
"Gem, I'm sure he had club stuff. Don't worry."  
"He didn't because Clay is here with me. He needs to be there with his kid Clairese, I don't like you two there alone." I felt a pang that Jax wasn't here with his son but he never said that it was club stuff so he didn't lie.   
"We are fine, Abel is sleeping and I can take care of him just fine until he gets back."  
"I'm sending Happy over there. He can just sit with you until Jax gets back."   
"Gemma-"  
"No. Let me do this, if not for you then for Abel alright?"  
"Ok. Whatever you want to do." I sighed and we hung up. Abel cried out and I went to check on him, he needed a new diaper and then I sat down to rock and hum him back to sleep. I got him back to sleep and put him back to bed, I turned towards the door and jumped at the sight of Happy.   
"Why would you think that sneaking up on a girl who is home alone is a good idea?" I whisper yelled at him  
"I didn't want to disturb you." I shook my head at him and led him down the hall.  
"You didn't have to come, Gemma is just paranoid."   
"That's her grandson, she is allowed to get paranoid." I nodded and went to make tea. Happy followed behind me and I asked him if he wanted some tea. He gave me a 'what are you nuts' look and I laughed. We sat and watched some terrible tv until Jax came home a few hours later. He didn't look happy that I had someone there with me and he made it clear within minutes of being back.   
"Hap, what are you doing here?"  
"Gemma asked me to come by and keep an eye on things since you weren't here."   
"I wasn't gonna be gone long, she didn't need you here." I looked between Happy and Jax and shook my head.   
"He was here because your mom was worried Jax, don't be that way." He looked at me and ignored what I had to say entirely.   
"I'm back now, you can go." I reached out and put a hand on Happy's arm until he looked at me, he was looking at Jax in anger and confusion.   
"Thank you for coming Hap. I appreciate it." He smiled at me and nodded as he left. I turned to look at Jax, "What the hell was that?" He just shook his head at me and walked down the hall. I sighed, cleaned up my tea cup and went to get ready for bed. I was laying there reading when I heard Abel cry out and I bumped into Jax in the hallway.   
"He's hungry. I'll go make the bottle." was all I said as I brushed past him. I heated up the formula and headed back to the baby's room. I handed Jax the bottle and turned to leave when he caught my wrist. I flinched and refused to look at him and he sighed softly.  
"I'm sorry."   
"You shouldn't be saying that to me." He scowled at me and looked at the ground.  
"I already said I was sorry to your boyfriend." I let out a small laugh.  
"Boyfriend? When did that happen and why didn't I know?" Then it clicked. "Were you jealous?"  
"No, I just didn't like the way he looked at you and that you were home alone with him." I let out a small laugh and he cracked a smile. "I'm sorry I acted like an asshole ok?"  
"I'm not mad at you Jax." He nodded and started to burp Abel before he set him back in the crib. We said our good nights and went back to bed, until the next time Abel was in need of something.  
  
  
Abel had been home for about a week now and though Jax was getting tired of being a new dad, I never let him give up. I understood that he had club stuff to do but I made him have as much contact with his son as I could when he was home. Tonight there was a club party and Jax asked if I would go with him. I felt a little apprehensive at first but I knew it meant a lot to him so I said yes. Gemma said that we could bring Abel and set him up in one of the dorm rooms which made me feel better.   
I decided on jeans, a black t- shirt with a lace back and a pair of black wedge boots that Gemma bought for me. I followed Jax over since we were bringing Abel and he helped me carry the car seat inside. Gemma met us at the door and scooped up Abel so that she could take him around for everyone to see. Opie came over and hugged me, then called over a prospect to take the car seat and diaper bag. Juice came over and hugged me and tugged me over to say hi to Chibs. "Hello gorgeous, who are you and why haven't I fucked you before?" I looked up into a pair of wild blue eyes and stepped away from him.   
"Uh because I don't know you?"   
"Easy Tig, Jax will get mad if you flirt with his girl." Happy came over and smiled at me.   
"Hi Happy. Look its not like that, Jax and I are just friends." Happy shook his head at me and Juice laughed.   
"Are you sure about that?" I looked over at Juice and nodded. Tig grinned and stepped closer to me. "What's your name sweetness?"  
"Clairese and don't drool on her Tig." We all looked up at Jax and I moved a little closer to him, causing him to put his arm around me. I leaned into him a little and he lead me over to the bar where I got a Jack and coke. I watched the guys play pool for a few hours before Clay called a quick church meeting. Gemma brought me Abel and I took the time to cuddle him and calm my nerves. I was feeling anxious with so many men around and I knew that Jax could tell.   
"Isn't this quaint." I looked up at a sneering Tara and grimaced.   
"You're not supposed to be here Tara." The prospect called out and she ignored him and glared at me.   
"Why are you here? I thought Jax would have gotten sick of you by now."  
"I take care of Abel, he isn't gong to get sick of that." I told her and watched as Abel fell asleep. "If you'll excuse me I have to put him to bed." I brushed past her but she gripped my arm and turned me to face her.   
"You're not his mother, Jax will never love you and you will never be good enough for him. Jax is mine and you should step out of the way before he realizes it and kicks you to the curb. You are useless and worth less than nothing to him. He probably hasn't even made a move on you." I felt my face heat up and she let out a laugh. "I knew it, he pities you. Just remember that you are not Abel's mother and you are not with Jax, he is mine." She turned and walked out of the club house. I knew that what she said was out of spite but I couldn't help believe her. I went to put Abel down and bumped into Juice in the hall way.   
"Hey Clairese, you ok?" I nodded at him. "Are you sure?"   
"Juice I'm fine ok?" I told him in a sad tone and he just nodded. I headed out back to the party and saw Jax talking with Happy and Opie. I headed outside and sat at a bench outside the door. I was breathing in the cool air when I heard someone step up behind me. I turned and saw Jax.   
"Hey, I was looking for you."   
"You found me." He sat next to me.  
"What's wrong?"   
"Nothing, I'm just tired, been a long week."   
"You wanna go home?" I nodded.   
"You can stay though, I'll take Abel home with me, if you don't mind." He gave me a strange look but nodded.   
"Yeah, I don't mind that, are you sure you're ok?"  
"I'm fine Jax. I'll see you later." I got up and went to grab Abel. I stopped by and said good bye to Gemma and then I headed home. It was easy to avoid Jax over the next few days, to distance myself but after a week of me acting strange Jax had had enough. He came into my room after he put Abel to bed and stared at me.  
"What is up with you?"   
"What do you mean?"   
"You know what I mean, what did Tara say to you?" I looked up at him then looked away.   
"Why would Tara have said anything?" He walked over to me and I flinched when he reached out to touch my face.  
"The prospect told me that Tara came and talked to you that night at the party. What happened baby girl?" I sighed and looked at him.  
"She told me the truth Jax. Nothing that I didn't already know, I just forgot it and got caught up in all of this."  
"All of what?"   
"This, you and me and Abel. I woke up Jax and I realized that I'm not his mother, I'm not anything to you and for one minute, one great minute I forgot that and I let myself be happy. I let myself feel like someone cared for me. But who could care for me? I'm weak and useless and not worth anything. Tara just reminded me of my place and advised me to get out before you kicked me out." He didn't say anything and I just nodded at him. "I'll be out of here to-"  
"No. Are you kidding me? This is a joke right?" I shook my head and he sat next to me and took my hands in his. "Clairese, I care about you. To me you are Abel's mother and I look forward to coming home to you every night. To you and _our_ son. You are not worthless and you are not weak. You have come so far since you were with Chase and I am so proud of you. Please don't believe any of what Tara said. She is a jealous, bitter, bitch who can't let go of the past." I looked up at him and he saw that I had tears in my eyes. He scooped me up and pulled me onto his lap, I wrapped my arms around him and held onto him. "Can I ask you about the scars on your wrists?"  
"I wanted to die Jax, I was tired of the abuse and I felt like I had no way out."   
"Do you still feel like that?" I looked him straight in the eye and shook my head.  
"Not anymore."  
"Good, because I care about you and I want you to be around for a long time."  
"Stop being so nice to me Jax, it's weird and I'm not used to it."   
"Get used to it baby girl. Will you stay with us? Abel and me."  
"Yeah, I'll stay for as long as you want me to." He pulled back and smiled at me before he looked at my lips. He leaned in and pressed his lips to mine I ran my hands through his hair and he gripped my hips, right as Abel started to cry.


	5. Chapter 5

It was about a month after Jax and I kissed for the first time, and we had brought Abel to the farmers market to get some flowers for Gemma. She had invited us to family dinner with some of the other guys and I didn't want to show up empty handed. We were walking hand in hand through the market and I had Abel strapped to my chest, it was nice. We weren't getting stared at and people even approached us to ask about the baby. I refused to let people hold him but Jax didn't mind that, he was particular about who Abel came into contact with and that was fine with me.   
"What about these?" I asked him and he turned to look at the bright blue and purple Gerber daisies that I pointed at.   
"Cheery, I like em." I nodded and started to talk to the vendor when I felt Jax's hand tense in mine. I looked up at him but he just shook his head. "Almost done?" His tone was clipped and terse. I paid for the flowers and turned to face him.   
"Yeah, what's wrong?" He kept looking around and I felt myself looking too, even though I didn't know what we were looking for.  
"Nothing, let's go ok?" I nodded as he took the keys and flowers and led me back to my Jeep. We were almost to that parking lot when I saw a familiar figure leaning against my Jeep. I tensed and Jax let out a low breath that sounded closer to a growl.  
"Isn't that cute? Having a nice family outing?" Chase asked in a tone dripping with sarcasm.  
"Beat it dude, I don't want to have to hurt you." Jax told him in a cold tone and Chase turned his eyes to me. I stiffened and cupped the back of Abel's head on reflex.  
"Look at that, you finally got that baby you always wanted didn't you Clairese? Isn't that cute. I think it's time you stopped pretending and come home with me." Jax let go of my hand and stepped in front of me slightly.   
"She's going no where with you asshole. You never deserved her to begin with but I'll be damned if I let you fuck with her again."  
"You're gonna let him talk to me like that Clairese?" I looked down and shifted my weight from foot to foot. "I am talking to you Clairese. _Fucking look at me._ " I felt my anger bubbling up and my gaze snapped to his. I was done, enough was enough.  
"Fuck off Chase." He gaped at me and clenched his fists.   
"What did you say to me bitch?" I gritted my teeth and stepped up next to Jax.   
" _I said_ 'Fuck off Chase' I didn't stutter and I really wish that you would take the fucking hint." He narrowed his eyes at me and I glared at him. Jax took my hand in his again and I looked up at his smug face.   
"You got some balls since you left Clairese, I will have to beat that out of you once I get you home. Hand your biker trash boyfriend his kid and lets go."   
"No. I'm finally free of you and your bullshit and I'll be damned if I'm going anywhere with you." A group of people started to walk into the parking lot and Jax took that moment to take Abel from me and load him into the car. He led me to the passenger side and made sure I was in before he went to approach Chase on the driver side. Chase said something to him and I saw Jax tense up before he said something in return. Chase turned around and walked away leaving Jax to take a deep breath before he climbed into the Jeep. He started the engine and took off. It was quiet and I felt the anger coming off of him in waves.   
"Are you ok?" I asked him in a small voice and he nodded slowly. "I'm sorry." I muttered and he looked over at me like I had lost my mind.  
"What for?"  
"That we ran into him, That he upset you." Jax reached over and took my hand in his.   
"I'm not mad at you darlin', I am mad that he thinks he can still treat you like that. Ordering you to go with him and all that shit. I wanted to beat his face in, if you and Abel weren't there..." He broke off and looked over at me. "I'm sorry that he made you afraid, but I am glad that you stood up to him." We pulled up to Gemma's house and he turned to face me. "Are you gonna be ok?" I nodded and he leaned forward to kiss me before we headed inside. Gemma loved the flowers and drags me into the kitchen to help her make a pie. Dinner is nice, except for Clay being kind of a jerk, he wont really talk to me which is fine. I didn't really want to talk to him either, until he ordered me not to distract the future club president from his duties. I wasn't quite sure that I had heard him right.  
"Excuse me?" I ask him and everyone around the table looks different degrees of mad and horrified.   
"Jax has a lot going for him with the club, it would be a shame if some snatch distracted him from that." Jax opened his mouth but I clapped my hand on his and shook my head softly.   
"Trust me Clay, I don't want to distract Jax from the club in anyway. Its nice that you think my _snatch_ has that ability but I think that insulting to both Jax and I if we're being honest." Opie and Happy laughed out loud and Chibs, Bobby, and Tig pretended to cough to hide theirs. "I respect this club and I know how much it means to Jax, so I'm not sure why you are concerned." He gave me a cold look and shook his head.   
"Jax hasn't been making the choices that he would have made a few months ago, he isn't as willing to get dirty for the greater good then he once was." Jax shook his head and sighed.   
"I won't deal with that shit Clay, it's not just because of her, I have a kid now. What happens if I get shot, who will he have? His crack head mother?" Jax looked at his mother and she gave him a small smile. "You know damn well that plan was fucked from the start and just because I didn't have your back doesn't mean it is Clairese's fault." Tig nodded and so did Opie which made me feel a bit better. I didn't want to mess up club dynamics, but I was glad that Jax was being safer for Abel.  
"Who wants pie?" Gemma cut in and Happy raised his hand. "Good, Clay come help me get plates." She gave him a look that said 'fucking now' and I felt a little bit bad for him, almost. There was some muffled yelling and a crash before they came back out with pie and plates. Clay looked like someone kicked his favorite dog and Gemma looked stern. Jax and I stayed for pie but after that we went home to put Abel to bed and recuperate from the stressful day.  
  
  
Jax had been gone all day on club business and I felt a little uneasy for some reason. I had given Abel his bath and he was in his bouncy chair while I was cleaning up the house a little. I was going to feed him and put him to bed after I had the living room clean. I saw a shadow cross the front window and frowned, Jax wasn't supposed to be home for a while. I peeked out the window and didn't see anyone so I turned back to what I was doing. Until I turned and saw Chase standing in front of the window. I shrieked and backed up a few steps until I bumped into the wall. Abel let out a few whimpers and I reached out to pick him up.  
"Let me in Clairese." I shook my head and he just stared at me.   
"Go away Chase, you're not coming in here." He smirked and went to the front door. I knew that it was locked because I had checked it about six times that day. He came back to the window and gave me a long look.   
"Let me in, I just want to talk to you." I shook my head again and started looking for my phone. It was in the kitchen if I remember correctly. Chase stormed back to the front door and started kicking at it. I went to run to the kitchen as the door buckled and crashed in. Abel was crying and I tried to run but I was to slow.   
"Wait! L-let me put him down, please. He is just a baby." I cried out, begging as I felt his hand in my hair. He tugged me over to the bouncy chair and I put Abel in it. He jerked me around by my hair and slammed me into the wall.  
"I don't like this attitude you have now Clairese! I have to teach you a lesson now, remind you who is in charge." His fist came up and I clenched my eyes shut as stars bloomed in my vision. My cheek was on fire and the back of my head cracked against the wall with massive force. I cried out and tried to cover my face but Chase pinned my hands above my head in one of his massive hands, leaving me defenseless. I struggled and he jerked me away from the wall, throwing me down and partially into the kitchen. I tried to crawl towards the knife block but the sound of my phone ringing made me change course. I was relieved to be away from Abel even if he was still crying softly.   
"Is that your biker man?" He looked at the screen and gave an evil grin. He stooped down and told me "Answer it, tell him you're fine." I pressed the green button.  
"Hello?" I tried not to let my voice waver.  
"Hey baby. I'm almost home how are you?" I wanted to cry, this could be the last time I spoke to him.   
"We're fine, we can't wait to see you." I was out of breath but he didn't notice.  
"Yeah, you miss me?"  
"Yeah we all miss you." I felt something dripping down my shirt and I reached back to touch my head. I was bleeding, great.  
"Anything special planned for me?" He knew something was wrong and I only had one chance at this.   
"Yeah, remember what you wanted to do at the farmers market?"  
"Uh huh?" His tone changed slightly and I felt a small amount of relief.   
"If you hurry that can still happen."  
"Be there in a flash baby, still about a half hour away though."   
"Ok, see you then. I- I love you Jax."  
"I love you too darlin'." He hung up and Chase yanked the phone away from me, he dropped it on the floor and crushed it under his boots. He yanked me up by the back of my shirt and I swayed on my feet.   
"You. Are. Mine." He gave me a shake after each word and I nodded unsteadily. "I don't like this new you."   
"Y-you left me, why does it matter if I changed?" I asked and he just looked at me.   
"You were weak Clairese, broken and I didn't want a broken toy, I wanted a shiny new toy." I looked up at him and shook my head.   
"I won't be your toy anymore Chase. If you want me to go with you you'll have to kill me first because I won't go willingly anymore." He slapped me and then pulled me closer to him until his face was right in mine.   
"You don't call the shots, you will do and be what I want." He punched my mouth and I spit out blood as I landed on the ground. He stepped up to me and kicked me once, twice and on the third kick to my ribs I flew into the living room. He was screaming at me, telling me that I was pathetic, that I couldn't even fight back, how could I make any demands. I heard Abel screaming and I reached for him and Chase grabbed my feet and yanked me towards him, he picked me up by my hair and threw me against the wall again. Pictures fell off the wall as he gripped my throat in his massive hands, cutting off my air supply. I tried to pry his hands off but I was to weak. I felt my eyes well up and I let a few tears fall, this was it, I'd never get to see Jax again. I was going to die at Chase's hands with Abel right next to me. I heard a bang, felt something splatter on my face and then I was falling. I landed in a heap next to Chase, he had a hole in his forehead and his eyes were blank. I felt hands on me and I looked up at Jax as I coughed. He had his gun next to him and he still had his helmet on.   
"Baby? hey hey, can you focus? it's ok now." I stared at him and nodded, it hurt to nod and I reached up to hold the back of my head.   
"I was hoping you'd make it in time. Where's Abel? I-I tried to keep him safe." I croaked and Jax scooped me into his arms and turned me to see that Opie was holding Abel and Happy was staring at Chase with disdain. The room was a mess and I felt myself start shaking.   
"Do you want to go to the hospital?" I shook my head and he nodded at me. "I'll take you to Chibs then." Opie loaded Abel into his car seat as Jax loaded me into the front seat. I heard him tell Happy to clean up the mess and Happy said something back to him but I started to fall asleep. "Baby? Clairese no, stay awake for me ok?" I frowned and shook my head.   
"Tired Jax." He chuckled and took my hand in his.  
"I know, but you gotta stay awake, just try." I sat up a little and cringed at the pain in my ribs. I hadn't noticed that he was driving but once I paid attention we were pulling into TM. Jax took Abel inside and then was gonna come back for me but I knew that I could walk so I climbed out of the jeep. I almost made it to the doors when I stumbled and then I felt arms come around me.   
"You look like hell." I looked at Clay and grimaced.   
"You should see the other guy." I joked and he laughed softly as he helped me inside. Jax frowned when came out of the dorm hallway with Chibs in tow.   
"Did she try to come one her own?" Clay nodded and Jax sighed at me. I smiled softly at him and latched onto him when he picked me up again. The took me into one of the dorms and Chibs looked me over. I had two broken ribs, most of my face was a bruise and I had dark angry hand prints on my throat already. I didn't have a concussion but I was a gash on the back of my head which pissed off Chibs. He shaved some of my hair so that he could stitch it up and put a bandage on it. I didn't want to take the pain meds but Jax insisted that I did because he wanted me to rest. I slept for a while but I wanted to see Jax and Abel when I woke up, after about ten minutes of struggling to get up I was shuffling down the hall in search of my men. I heard mumbling coming from the bar and peeked my head around to see Jax talking to some men that I didn't recognize. One of them looked up and stared at me, I gave a small smile and then Jax turned around to see what the guy was looking at.  
"Hey darlin' What are you doing awake?" I shuffled over to him.  
"Wanted to see Abel." He nodded and touched my cheek gently.   
"My mom took him home with her since our place is trashed right now."   
"Oh." I felt eyes on me and I looked up at the two men.   
"Clairese this is Kozik and Chuckie. Guys this is my girl Clairese." He'd never called me that before, I didn't take him as the type for relationships after he got divorced.   
"Nice to meet you sweetheart." Chuckie said as he waved his _plastic fingers?_ at me. I smiled and nodded at him.  
"What happened to you girl?" Kozik asked me and I felt my face heat up as I looked away. Jax gently put his arm around me.  
"Her ex broke into my house, beat the hell out of her as she protected my kid." Kozik shifted and I looked at Jax. He was grinning at me with soft eyes and he leaned down to kiss my head.   
"Strong girl you have there VP, she'll make a great old lady." Jax nodded and then leaned down to whisper in my ear.   
"Wanna go lay back down?" I nodded and he told the guys he was taking me back to bed as he led me down the hall again. I expected him to drop me off at the right room but he took off his Kutte, jacket and pants and climbed in bed with me. He pulled me close to him and I asked him,   
"You killed him didn't you?" He tensed a little but nodded. _Thank you._ I snuggled against him and he ran his hand through my hair gently. until I fell asleep again.  
  
  
A Month Later.  
  
I had Abel balanced on my hip and a bag full of lunch for Jax in the other when Gemma met me in the parking lot of TM.   
"Oh my baby boy!" She kissed his head and started to baby talk him as we walked into the garage. I smiled at Jax when he looked up at me and he smiled back at me.   
"Hi baby. What kind of trouble are you two getting into?" I hugged him and shook my head.   
"No trouble, I just brought you some lunch since you skipped breakfast." He nodded and motioned for me to follow him to the picnic table outside. Gemma had walked over to Tig and they were playing with Abel. He was telling me about his day when I saw a car pulling into the parking lot and i heard Jax sigh. Tara got out of the car and I grimaced.   
"I'll be right back darlin'." He stalked over to her and Gemma came to stand by me. She was watching them like I was, trying to hear what they were saying. Tara reached out and touched his face but he jerked away from her.   
"You need to go over there Clairese, she keeps coming back because you haven't given her a reason not to." I looked at her and she nodded at me. I was sick of this shit. I stood up, kissed Abel and stormed over to them, I wrapped my arm around Jax's waist and tucked my hand into his back pocket. He looked down at me with a smile and Tara curled her lip up at me. I gave her a sunny smile and leaned against Jax.  
"Are you having car trouble?" I asked her and she just gave me a look.  
"No. I came to talk to my Jax here." I gave her a colder smile and shook my head.   
"Well if you don't have car trouble then you really don't need to be here." I told her and she gave me a condescending smile.  
"Jax doesn't mind if I'm here, We are very close." I removed my hand from his pocket and stepped closer to her.   
"Are you really? I don't think so because every time you pop up he cringes and lets out a sigh of irritation. I think that you can't take a hint so let me be very clear. Jax, this tall drink of water right here-" I motioned at him and saw that he was grinning at me. "He is mine, we are raising _our_ son, _together_ and you are not part of that equation. Stop coming around and smelling up the place with desperation and the stench of the past. Got it?" I asked her in a chipper tone. She stepped closer to me and I saw that her face was an unattractive shade of red.   
"Who the hell do you think you are? I am his past, present, and future. You're a tacky little who-" I cut her off with a punch to the face and I heard a chorus of "oh shit!" from behind us. She clapped her hands over her bleeding nose and glared at me. "Jax!" She yelled at him and he let out a laugh.  
"My old lady has spoken. Run along." He put his arm over my shoulder and turned me so that we walked back to the garage. He leaned down and muttered in my ear. "That was great darlin', you are perfect." I smiled at him and he leaned in again. "How do you feel about being my old lady?" I looked up at him and nodded. He gave me a huge grin and kissed me before he called out to the guys. "Check it out guys, I got me an old lady!" The guys came and hugged us and welcomed me to the family and I had never felt happier Gemma hugged me and handed me my son and Jax came to embrace us both, it felt like home. Jax had saved me from a terrible fate and I had never felt so safe before. I knew that it wasn't going to be easy but compared to what I had already survived through, I knew I was up to the challenge.   
"I love you" He whispered in my ear.   
"I love you too."


End file.
